How the Hell Do People Throw Effortless Parties? (Asking for a Friend)
Why are some people just better at parties, and why does it make me want to bury myself in a ditch.
Hi friends and foes, and welcome back to another week of highs and lows, I hope you all had a splendid week!
We’ve just wrapped up Seb’s birthday extravaganza, and while I’m equal parts exhausted and relieved, I’m also feeling reflective. After seeing the fruition of this man’s parties over the past three years, I have some thoughts I’m dying to share. Especially as someone who is not well-versed in the hosting scene (despite what it may look like on social media - another reminder to not believe everything you see online!).
This week, instead of highs and lows, I want to talk about something that both amazes and terrifies me: how some people throw big, joyful, seamless parties without falling apart - when for me, the pressure of hosting feels like it could bury me alive.
Also, let’s be real: there weren’t any notable lows this week. So let’s celebrate that with a party breakdown and some lessons from the man of many gatherings - Seb.
Seb’s Birthday Party (a.k.a. the High)
Everyone always looks forward to Seb’s birthdays. They’re the event of the year. You’d think these parties take weeks of planning and days of cooking, but no - Seb pulls it all together within a week, with relatively little fuss. And somehow, it always works.
In previous years, the parties were so extravagant we’d spend three days prepping and be fully burnt out before guests even arrived. But this year, Seb learned from his mistakes. He simplified things, and somehow, it ended up being maybe the most fun yet.
On the day, I made Nicola Lamb’s Mango Princess Cake, which I haven’t stopped dreaming about since the moment she posted it. It’s layers of mango custard, fresh mango, and a light vanilla cake soaked in mango syrup, topped with a thick yogurty cream and marzipan
.
A princess cake is a Swedish cake - usually strawberries, custard, and cream - and it happens to be one of Seb’s favourites. So when I saw a version filled with Indian mangoes, I knew I had to make it for him.
I’m not going to lie - it was long. Its notorious for being a difficult cake to make. But it turned out fantastic.
Nicola Lamb also had a great tip for getting that dome, but coating the inside of a bowl in marzipan and then filling with cream. Absolutely genius!!!
If I had to tweak it, I’d swap the custard for mango curd to get more of that fresh mango punch. Still, it was a winner and it was gobbled up in no time.
On the Menu:
Seb’s homemade focaccia three ways:
Cheddar and jalapeño
Caramelised courgette and ricotta
Bursting cherry tomatoes, mozzarella, and basil
Spanish tortilla
Open-faced Italian ‘nachos’
Veggies with a herby dill yoghurt dip
Spread of hams and cured meats
Oysters (a Seb birthday tradition)
My Mango Princess Cake
the entire platter
Sounds extravagant, right? But here’s the secret: we only really prepped the focaccia, tortilla, and the cake (all of which could be bought if needed). Everything else was assembly. The key is easy carbs, simple deli things, and crisps. Oh, and lots of games.
Bonus Berlin tip: You can HIRE these bikes with fLotte for FREE here - it’s part of a community system used to transport items. It was perfect for getting everything to the park and added real flair to Seb’s ringmaster entrance.
The Games (aka Structured Chaos)
Organised games aren’t everyone’s idea of fun, but they’re definitely mine. And once you rope in the majority, the rest will follow.
Originally, we wanted the classic tin can toss, but turns out it’s hard to find 10 empty cans on short notice. But here are the games we did anyway:
Balloon animal making – We used an Amazon balloon kit and only had two pumps. It was not fair, people got upset, and that made it even better. It’s quite fun to see your friends fight over a balloon pump so they can make their pink balloon dog.
Balloon dart popping – using darts bought online and balloons tied to a park bench using a stick. Ideally, this would be attached to a board, but again, last minute, the options are low. This worked surprisingly well and again the unfairness of the balloons adds more character and heated debates, which is exactly what a bunch of drunk 30-year-olds flinging darts in a park need.
Acrobatics performance – No props needed. Each team had 10 minutes to come up with their best act. It was silly, it was brave, and it was absolutely hilarious.
We eventually polished off the drinks in the park and ended the night with more drinks back at Seb’s flat.
What I Learned about Hosting
Delusional Optimism is a Skill
The whole party was banking on the weather being nice. Every app said it would rain. I was frantically checking all my weather apps every 30 minutes. Seb just knew it was going to be sunny. And it was.
He also doesn’t worry about people showing up. For me, this is unthinkable. Unfortunately, when I was at the sweet age of 10, I held a birthday party and no one came. It was upsetting, kids truly are horrible. But its stuck with me, and that fear has kind of never left.
But Seb doesn’t carry that fear. I think part of it is repetition: keep inviting people over, and eventually you build a reliable group. I also think he doesn't care, he knows no matter who comes, he's going to have a fun time.
It’s Fine If It’s Not Perfect
Don’t have your games sorted? It’s fine. Might not have enough food? We can get more. No matter what question you throw at him, he will always just push that it will all work out. And you know what? It always does. Only have a vague idea of the games and food? In the moment, everyone will band together. You can go get more food, you can change the games - it seems so daunting beforehand because you want it to go perfectly, but the reality is that it won’t, and you’ll figure it out.
Cook for Yourself, Not the Crowd
Deep down, I’m a people pleaser. When I plan meals, I think about what others want. Seb does the opposite. He couldn’t give a rat’s arse about what you like - his menu is solely based on what he wants to eat and what he wants to cook. He doesn’t ignore people’s dietary needs, of course, but the menu is about what excites him. And you can tell - it’s always more fun that way.
Shared clean up
If you're the one regularly hosting, you know the pain of cleaning up. Seb has a nifty trick, which you may or may not agree with. The first is to host in the park and bring a few bin bags. At the end, everything goes in the bin, and you’ve got no hoovering or dishes to do.
Secondly, if it’s in your flat, yell out: “I’m not opening another bottle until this place is tidied up.”
Seb’s more controversial approach may turn some heads, but hey - it works. In less than 10 minutes, the place was spic and span: dishes in the dishwasher, rubbish thrown away, and more importantly, I wasn’t left scrubbing away for hours the next day.
The Real Takeaway
I’m still not a natural host. I still worry about the weather, balloon politics, and no-shows. But watching Seb in action made me realise something important:
Great parties aren’t about perfection. They’re about conviction, carbs, and a little bit of chaos.
The recipe this week is the Italian-style nachos bag we made for the park. It’s stupidly easy and not really even a recipe. But it looks so fun and is great to have in the park with some beers this sunny weekend. :)
Italian-Style Nachos Bag
Large share bag of salted crisps
Prosciutto and chorizo (we just used a mixed pack of deli meats)
Anchovies
Pickled Guindilla peppers
Green pitted olives
Open the bag of crisps down the middle.
Top with all the toppings.
P.S. I tried to get Seb’s focaccia recipe because I knew that would be something a lot of you would want; the best I got is that he loosely follows this recipe. So hope that helps xx
I would have never guessed that you didn't like hosting!
Who’s the guy in the tank top and beret? (Asking for a friend)